Jokes and Riddles

Funny AIM Away Messages:

If pooping: I am currently expelling solid waste right now. "Ewwww" you say? It's a perfectly natural function, like the beating of a heart, or the stabbing of a Mexican.

For every person who IMs me while I am away, I will kill one kitten.

If playing a computer game: God dammit, you just messed me up! I was on level-freaking-12 and you messed me up! I assure you it won't happen again, because you'll be too dead to operate a computer!

You don't want to know what I am doing right now.

Are you that blind that you can't see yellow-notepad icon next to my name? You must be blind as Anne Frank if you can't notice that vibrant image representing my absence...

Who is the only person who doesn't want to be a millionaire?

Danny: Did you ever go into the new shoppe?
Ted: No, I never had the chance. Well, I had the chance, but I didn't have the time. Wait, I had the time, but I didn't have the money. Actually, I had the money, but when I went it they told me they didn't like my kind and I got kicked out.

Binary Jokes:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

I wrote a book! It's called 101 Things To Do With Binary. The problem was, people kept asking me what the other 96 were.

"Thanks for the complement," said the 45 degree angle to the 45 degree angle.

"I'm goona go drop the Cosby kids off at the pool," said the man who needed to poop.

What is a pirate's favorite disease?
Saaaarrrrrrssss.

What is a pirate's favorite planet?
Maaaaarrrrrrrss.

What is a pirate's favorite vehicle?
A caaaaaaaarrrrrrrr.

Where do pirates like to hold things?
Jaaaaaaaarrrrrrss.

Where do pirates like to hang out?
Baaaaaaarrrrrs.

"When you're in the pool and you feel something cool diahrea; diahreeeaaaa!"