Grindhouse

This was a pretty cool movie. It was actually two movies; Planet Terror and Death Trap. I'll take them on one at a time. Planet Terror was about this gas that turned people into zombies, and the zombies could infect other people and turn them into zombies. Sounds familiar, ehh? Then there's this one guy named El Rey who's really good at killing people, and he likes this girl who loses her leg to the zombies and he sticks a gun in it at one point (that was actually cooler in the movie then it looked in the commercial) to replace the leg. At first he uses a wooden stick but that gets replaced later. Anyway, I didn't really understand the plot so much, something about using the gas to destroy an entire population, like Iraq or Afghanistan (this one guy talked about how he was in Afghanistan and he killed Osama Bin Laden, and I don't know how that fit into things).

The next movie was Death Proof. The main bad guy was Kurt Russel; his name was Stuntman Mike, and he had his ride pimped out in such a way he couldn't get killed in it. But that movie I didn't like too much, because they spent half an hour talking about two sets of women (half an hour on both sets, so that's a full hour), developing their characters. It was boring as hell! Then, after they spend half an hour (or maybe forty five minutes) discussing the first group of women, it only takes five minutes for them to get killed. The next set of women, they actually survive and I think kill him (well in the end they beat the crap out of him), but I won't tell how. However, it did involve an incredibly exciting car chase scene, perhaps the most exciting chase scene I've ever seen. That was cool.

What was most hilarious were the commercials for upcoming movies. In the beginning, they had one called "Machete", which was really funny (like classic action movie, kind of like Desperado, in fact, the guy who played "Machete" was the guy who was the knife-thrower in Desperado. He's pretty famous. I'm not getting his name, you can't make me. This is a long parentheses thing, I should end it. Go back up to where I said "which was really funny" because I'm continuing straight from there) and cool. Then, between Planet Terror and Death Proof were three movies; "Don't", "Thanksgiving", and "Werewolf Women of the SS". I'll get the Werewolf one out of the way fast, because although the idea was funny (Nazis turning women into Werewolves and such), it actually sucked horribly. However, "Don't" was funny. It's like, "Don't go into that room", "Don't go into the basement", "Don't open that door", "Don't look up", "Don't turn around", "Don't-don't-don't-don't-don't" and then it just ended with "Don't". That was funny, and during that it kept having things pop out at you, and usually that stuff like is scary, but the tone was such that it was not scary AT ALL, and I thought it was cool how they made pop-out scenes actually not scary at all. Then Thanksgiving, that was funny. It was like about people getting murdered during Thanksgiving. It's hard to explain, it really is, but there were two funny parts. One, this cop was investigating a murder, and he sticks his finger into a severed head and licks the blood on his finger, and says, "It's blood" all serious, and that was funny. But what made me laugh so hard was the end, when it said, "You'll come home for the holidays this season... in a bodybag," and that just made me laugh so hard. 90% for the movie. End review.... NOW.