I'm an idiot. I should start dating these rants. Okay, from now on, I'm going to start dating them (a lot of good that does 32 pages in, but better late than never). Today is 8/24/06, and I heard the biggest news of my life today. I'm sure much of the world has heard about it today. I'll just go out and say it. Pluto is no longer a planet. A big space convention filled with important people who I'll never meet have decided that Pluto doesn't constitute as a planet or something, and it is OFFICIALLY not a planet anymore. Text books around the United States (and perhaps the world) will have to be updated to not specify Pluto as a planet. My fellow humans, we have encountered a new era in our lifes, a new chapter in our existence, an existence in which we will have only eight planets in our solar system, Pluto not being one of them. I have to stop typing... I'm going to cry (not really). Here's a picture of Pluto, a now meaningless chunk of rock that we have abandoned like a deadbeat father abandons his child. Goodbye Pluto, we will miss you, and your cold, uninhabitable plane.

I remember in Spider-Man 2, that guy, Harry Osmen, yeah I'm pretty sure that's his name, he keeps asking Peter "Who's Spider-Man?! I know you know who he is! TELL ME" and he's angry that Peter won't tell him. Let's assume that Peter wasn't Spider-Man, and he did know who Spider-Man was, and he did tell Harry. But let me say something first. New York is huge, you give a name, it's basically meaningless. So, here's how the conversation would go if Peter told Harry:

Harry: "Tell me who Spider-Man is, or I'll cut your eyes out and put them in your ass!"
Peter: "I'm tired of you making your empty threats, so I'll just tell you."
Harry: "Aaaayyyeeeee. So, gimme the name, or I'll-"
Peter: "Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat... yeah yeah (taken from That 70s Show). Okay. Spider-Man is Bob Johnson. Yep. Bob Johnson. He works at a small business on 40th Street as a sales rep. He doesn't go in much, you know, being Spider-Man, but he's good friends with the owner so the owner looks the other way. I don't know his address off the top of my head... but if you stop off at the business once in awhile, maybe you'll catch him."
Harry: "Hmm... sounds like work. On second thought, maybe Dad doesn't need to be avenged. Hey bartender, hit me up with some booze."