Date of Entry: 11/19/06

Pets aren't allowed in stores (except PetCo), but the exception is that dogs for the handicapped are allowed to come in. But what if somebody just gets one of those things that says, "For handicapped person. Do not pet" (or something like that), and they're not handicapped? I say this because yesterday as I waited for the Nintedo Wii I saw someone who did not appear handicapped at all go into Wal-Mart with a dog like that. I might try to do that with my cat, although it would be hard to convince them I was handicapped. I'd run in with my cat on a leash, with the handicapped tarp on him, and eventually someone would question me and say, "You don't seem to be handicapped," and I'd say something like, "Does giving trouble to the handicapped give you some sort of pleasure?" and they'd back off. Oh yeah, they'd back off...

I want to start a new unit of measurement. I've been thinking about introducing this concept to the United States government for a long time, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to get those people to listen to you. What is the unit of measurement, you are thinking? It's the Shaq, which is equivalent to about 7 feet, 1 inches. I measure some things in Shaqs. Here's an example question:
"How far is it to the McDonalds from your house?"
"Uh, 2, 3,000 Shaqs".
I'll admit it's not a very accurate unit of measurement, having to measure everything essentially in feet, but I think the United States, and eventually the world, would get used to it.